I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
