I am puke
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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