youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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