He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
