She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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