If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
