yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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