If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
its liver damage thursday
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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