I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
