Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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