im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
