my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
