what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
