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Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
