I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
