What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
