chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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