I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
