I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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