Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i think i just lost a toe
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
