We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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