so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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