Taylor Swift is so right about you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
