Betty ford says i'm here all night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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