the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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