We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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