Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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