I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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