Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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