I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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