some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
