i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
