It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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