thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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