I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
