Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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