So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
