i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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