Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
