I cockslap morals
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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