escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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