I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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