You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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