I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
