There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
another moral hangover. fuck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
