he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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