how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
