I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
