I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
