i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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