remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
